A Lesson Not in the Love & Logic Course:
Send Away the Payday Loan Store Woman
Before I first took the Love & Logic course two years ago, I was on State Street in Madison using using what the course calls the Mobile “Uh-Oh” Device.
Jim and Charles Fay talk about using the bedroom as the consequence for an “uh-oh,” misbehavior by a child. However, when you’re out in public, there are no bedrooms. So you can use a stroller, or if a stroller isn’t available, you can either have the child stand in a corner or simply sit down on the floor—holding them safely on your lap while they have a fit.
It was the last option that came to me by divine intervention (since I hadn’t yet heard Charles explain that this is part of the Love & Logic technique).
We were in Madison visiting my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. Thursday we spent the day on the University of Wisconsin campus, meeting my brother-in-law, Jamie, for lunch and then meeting his girlfriend, Elisabeth, for the bus ride home. While waiting for Elisabeth at the campus end of State Street, we had enough time to go into the campus bookstore.
However, our decision as parents to enter the bookstore went against what our two-year old wanted to do. Samuel’s plan was to play in the leaves. Not sensing how dedicated he was to this activity, I picked him up and entered the store where Samuel mimicked a tree shedding its leaves in a mighty autumn wind. He completely fell apart into a crying mess that could not be controlled. Limbs spun out of control, his body went limp, cries and shouts shrieked past everyone’s ears, and tears fell like rain.
Not wanting to continue being a new public art exhibit in the bookstore, I decided to take our art to the street. I went outside—naively thinking we could just return to the world’s most wonderful pile of leaves. Except Samuel was too far into his performance art now to step out of character. So I did the only thing I could think of: sat down, held him on my lap, said calm things into his ears, and smiled sheepishly at the college students who were walking by in droves down State Street (a pedestrian mall).
Some students looked shocked to see a small person having a tantrum there on campus. Other students who appeared to be in school mainly for the social networking possibilities looked at me like I was some kind of freak. Couples who were holding hands suddenly let go of each other. Girls tried to smile at Samuel saying he was cute and hoping that would solve everything.
According to Charles Fay, I was doing the right thing. Samuel was getting the message that it was more fun to refrain from having a fit. A fit simply meant having to sit there and not do anything. I was using the Mobile “Uh-Oh” Device, staying with it despite the gawks and stares of the too cool college students, and looking back on this, I feel like maybe I don’t need to complete the Love & Logic course because I just have the knack intuitively. . .
Then the Payday Loan Store woman showed up.
Charles and Jim don’t warn you about this on the video, but always send the Payday Loan Store (PLS) woman away. I used to only think that you should refuse the PLS woman because of the extortion interest rates. Now, though, I see that the real reason to send the PLS woman away is because she goes against Love & Logic.
The PLS woman came walking by, and I suppose we should say, bless her heart, she wanted to have compassion on the melted, sobbing mess of Samuel on my lap. (She apparently didn’t get the performance art act). As a marketing technique, the PLS woman was handing out balloons and Payday candy bars to Madison students. She also then happened to be well-equipped for solving a crying child.
Before I could think fast enough to refuse to sign onto the PLS woman’s scheme, I let her hand Samuel a balloon and a candy bar. To Samuel’s credit, he did partially see through this woman’s ploy and wanted nothing to do with the balloon. (This caused a new level of hysteria until I could untie the balloon from his belt loop. Apparently, Samuel has already learned that I don’t like payday loan stores, and therefore, he didn’t want to be a walking billboard for such a business—balloon or not).
However, Samuel did enjoy tasting the sweet rewards of his endeavors. The tantrum had gained him access to the chocolate, caramel, and peanuts of the Payday candy bar. If I had gone with my gut, I would’ve sent the PLS woman farther down State Street with her high interest rates and evil candy. The whole idea of sitting on the ground was that Samuel was trapped (safely) until the fit was over and then we could return to having fun. The idea wasn’t that he should receive candy for his efforts.
Well, it turns out I need the Love & Logic course, because some of this just isn’t intuitive. You have to stick with something like the Mobile “Uh-oh” Device even when everyone else looks at you like you’re being completely mean and batty.
But one thing the Love & Logic course won’t tell you is this: send the Payday Loan Store woman away. Don’t let her trick you with an instant loan of candy when you’re trying to build your child’s saving account of responsibility and ability to understand logical consequences.
Jim and Charles Fay talk about using the bedroom as the consequence for an “uh-oh,” misbehavior by a child. However, when you’re out in public, there are no bedrooms. So you can use a stroller, or if a stroller isn’t available, you can either have the child stand in a corner or simply sit down on the floor—holding them safely on your lap while they have a fit.
It was the last option that came to me by divine intervention (since I hadn’t yet heard Charles explain that this is part of the Love & Logic technique).
We were in Madison visiting my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. Thursday we spent the day on the University of Wisconsin campus, meeting my brother-in-law, Jamie, for lunch and then meeting his girlfriend, Elisabeth, for the bus ride home. While waiting for Elisabeth at the campus end of State Street, we had enough time to go into the campus bookstore.However, our decision as parents to enter the bookstore went against what our two-year old wanted to do. Samuel’s plan was to play in the leaves. Not sensing how dedicated he was to this activity, I picked him up and entered the store where Samuel mimicked a tree shedding its leaves in a mighty autumn wind. He completely fell apart into a crying mess that could not be controlled. Limbs spun out of control, his body went limp, cries and shouts shrieked past everyone’s ears, and tears fell like rain.
Not wanting to continue being a new public art exhibit in the bookstore, I decided to take our art to the street. I went outside—naively thinking we could just return to the world’s most wonderful pile of leaves. Except Samuel was too far into his performance art now to step out of character. So I did the only thing I could think of: sat down, held him on my lap, said calm things into his ears, and smiled sheepishly at the college students who were walking by in droves down State Street (a pedestrian mall).
Some students looked shocked to see a small person having a tantrum there on campus. Other students who appeared to be in school mainly for the social networking possibilities looked at me like I was some kind of freak. Couples who were holding hands suddenly let go of each other. Girls tried to smile at Samuel saying he was cute and hoping that would solve everything.
According to Charles Fay, I was doing the right thing. Samuel was getting the message that it was more fun to refrain from having a fit. A fit simply meant having to sit there and not do anything. I was using the Mobile “Uh-Oh” Device, staying with it despite the gawks and stares of the too cool college students, and looking back on this, I feel like maybe I don’t need to complete the Love & Logic course because I just have the knack intuitively. . .
Then the Payday Loan Store woman showed up.
Charles and Jim don’t warn you about this on the video, but always send the Payday Loan Store (PLS) woman away. I used to only think that you should refuse the PLS woman because of the extortion interest rates. Now, though, I see that the real reason to send the PLS woman away is because she goes against Love & Logic.
The PLS woman came walking by, and I suppose we should say, bless her heart, she wanted to have compassion on the melted, sobbing mess of Samuel on my lap. (She apparently didn’t get the performance art act). As a marketing technique, the PLS woman was handing out balloons and Payday candy bars to Madison students. She also then happened to be well-equipped for solving a crying child.
Before I could think fast enough to refuse to sign onto the PLS woman’s scheme, I let her hand Samuel a balloon and a candy bar. To Samuel’s credit, he did partially see through this woman’s ploy and wanted nothing to do with the balloon. (This caused a new level of hysteria until I could untie the balloon from his belt loop. Apparently, Samuel has already learned that I don’t like payday loan stores, and therefore, he didn’t want to be a walking billboard for such a business—balloon or not).
However, Samuel did enjoy tasting the sweet rewards of his endeavors. The tantrum had gained him access to the chocolate, caramel, and peanuts of the Payday candy bar. If I had gone with my gut, I would’ve sent the PLS woman farther down State Street with her high interest rates and evil candy. The whole idea of sitting on the ground was that Samuel was trapped (safely) until the fit was over and then we could return to having fun. The idea wasn’t that he should receive candy for his efforts.
Well, it turns out I need the Love & Logic course, because some of this just isn’t intuitive. You have to stick with something like the Mobile “Uh-oh” Device even when everyone else looks at you like you’re being completely mean and batty.
But one thing the Love & Logic course won’t tell you is this: send the Payday Loan Store woman away. Don’t let her trick you with an instant loan of candy when you’re trying to build your child’s saving account of responsibility and ability to understand logical consequences.
